Monday, December 28, 2015

New Year's Resolutions

I've been thinking a lot about resolutions. Most people's resolutions come from a place of regrets; not having done something, having done too much of something, etc. When we think about resolutions we tend to think about the things about our own selves that we don't like. Most of the time our wishes are about going along with what society says we "should" be. Like being thinner, looking different - things that would make us fit in with the crowd. We don't tend to see the bigger picture.

This year, 2015, has been one of the worst and best of my life so far. I didn't know it was possible to experience so many things at either end of the goodness spectrum, but here we are, and that's what's happened. In the past year I have been wheeled into the OR about 5 times, spent over a month as an inpatient twice, had at least one day a week at the hospital when not an inpatient, and have met so many different doctors that I need a scorecard to tell me who belongs to what speciality. I've also moved on to one of the last treatment options for my Crohn's. To say that my overall health hasn't improved is an understatement. There's so much that I want to change about that! 

Life is short. I've almost died. A few times now. I had my first epileptic seizure at the age of 3 and went unresponsive in my mom's arms for several hours. I had such severe pneumonia that I have turned grey, unable to speak, and had my heart rate over 200. I collapsed at the Train concert and had an "Exciting" lights and sirens ride from the concert hall to the hospital because of my heart. I've been reminded strongly this year that we need to live. We don't know how long we have here, so we need to look at each day as a very real and true gift. 

But 2015 hasn't been all lights and sirens emergencies. Some really great, awesome, amazing things have happened. I got Jacob's Healing Rooms up and going, and we're SO close to reaching the 25% mark of my overall goal. I thought that I was doing Jacob's Healing Rooms to help other kids who are sick like me. But I've learned that I also get something out of it. I've been inspired by the generosity of so many strangers, friends and family who have helped my wish take flight. I've received so many messages sharing kind words of encouragement that help me more than I can be able to tell you. While I might not be feeling physically better, it gives me an extra boost when I see just how far my messages of hope and courage are going. I want to be remembered when I am no longer here. I want other people to have a lasting inspiration that leads them to do their own acts of kindness. Any act of kindness, no matter how small can make a huge difference. Just like the little pebble that creates a large ripple. When you have a dream nothing is impossible. I've also made some incredible new friends who have made a lasting impression.

So resolutions heading into 2016? Well, I can tell you that it's not about me. It's about raising awareness for Inflammatory Bowel Diseases. It's about inspiring others to make a positive change. It's about pushing for better treatments. It's about helping others to hold on to hope, love, and belief even when it seems impossible.

My resolution for 2016 is to give more. What will your resolution be?

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