Today I want to talk about differences, as I think that is something I have in common with a lot of people who live with mental illness; the feeling of being different.
I've always been a bit "different". I prefer the word unique. While my peers in Junior Kindergarten were learning their alphabet, I was able to look at my mom's university textbooks and gain some understanding from them. Things like learning my colors didn't interest me when I could explain to the teacher that all color is just different wavelength of pure white, you only had to look at a prism to know this was true. It was hard for me to understand my classmates, as I'm sure it was hard for them to understand me. In grade 1, after refusing to do schoolwork because it felt so mind-numbingly boring, my mom had a psycho-educational evaluation done on me. The psychologist found that I was "Gifted" intellectually - I had a much easier and faster time at grasping ideas and concepts and being able to integrate ideas than my peers. I was bored because the material wasn't challenging and intellectually stimulating for me. The psychologist also found that I have ADHD, although my 'H' comes out through my running thoughts. I've been known to think about random scientific things at 3am. I blame science, it's just too interesting. Last but not least, I was identified as being dyslexic. At least I had actual reasons as to why I felt different than the other kids.
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| At Fall Out Boy with my NG Tube |
In grade 4 in Ontario, the official gifted program begins in the public education system. Here was the chance that I would finally be with people who were JUST LIKE ME! It was exciting, something I had been looking for since I was diagnosed in grade 1 and just waiting for this program to come along. The great equalizing moment arrived and then - BAM - I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. Again, I was now different on a whole new level. My life consists of doctors, treatment, pain, symptoms and complications. I gained an extreme amount of weight while on steroids and was bullied at school. I had a colectomy and now wear a colostomy bag. I have had an NG (Naso-Gastric) Tube off/on and now have a permanent feeding tube. I am about as different an experience from a "normal" childhood as a person can get. And yet I don't feel that way. I feel that I just grew up in my own unique way, given my own unique situation.
There are others out there suffering, they just suffer in a different way than I do. See, as much as I can talk about my disease and have others understand, there often isn't that understanding for those living with mental health issues. If my disease prevents me from being able to do something, it's understandable, but if it were a mental illness that was preventing me, the response from others would not be the same. And that's why days like today are necessary. There needs to be more LISTENING going on. There needs to be more ACCEPTANCE of the fact that mental illness is every bit as serious as other physical illnesses. There needs to be more HOPE offered to those living with mental illness. And most of all, there needs to be more stories told.
There is power in sharing your story, that much I have learned as my time blogging goes on. Sharing is educating, healing and a great way to reach out to others and connect. If you need help, keep reaching out in every way you can. If you can give help, keep reaching back to others. Together we are stronger, together we will win the war head on.
