Thursday, December 31, 2015

Jacob's Song of the Day (12/31/2015): "Great Big Storm" by Nate Ruess

I've been saving today's song for quite some time, and I can't think of a better time now to use it than for New Year's Eve. Today I picked a song that as soon as I heard it, I thought "Did he write that for me/about me?", it's just fits so perfectly. Today's song is "Great Big Storm" by Nate Ruess. Have a listen and read why I chose this song today:


I think this might be one of those songs that really got overlooked by many of the local radio stations, at least the ones I listen to. If you've never heard it before, did you like it as much as I did when I first heard it?

The part that really gets me is the chorus:

"Because we're holding our own in a great big storm / And though we're cutting it close / We won't let go / Oh no I can't believe / Everything falling down around me / But now we're holding our own / And won't let go"

That pretty much sums up 2015 for me, it's been a great big storm. Actually, the last 3 years have been, but this year especially. This year has seen me struggling with daily intense nausea and vomiting, going 4 months without solid food (exclusive tube feedings), starting on my last pharmaceutical option (at the moment) for helping to resolve the inflammation, developing severe and painful psoriasis, having a hypertensive crisis episode at a rock concert, and having an allergic reaction to the materials of my permanent feeding tube causing slight bleeding in my stomach. Yep, it's been a year. One long of a soap opera year. 

But through it on I've held on. I don't know how. I don't know how I keep going when everything around me crumbles to pieces, but I find a way. Isn't that what life is about? Finding a way to face your challenges without being destroyed/dominated by them? 

Two days ago I was rushed into the ER. I had been having a lot of chest pain/tightness, shortness of breath, sweating, dizziness, blurred vision and could feel my heart literally "jump" sideways and start to pound. I went to stand up and almost fell. I could feel myself shaking. I had my loop heart monitor on at the time, but the machine wouldn't let me send it through to the hospital for the cardiologist to read. By the time I got to the hospital, the episode was over except for the extreme exhaustion that follows one of these episodes. And they've been happening more frequently. While my QT rate of my heartbeat was borderline long, they weren't able to find anything that explains why I keep coming so close to collapsing again and again. It's really frustrating, as I'm sure it is for the countless doctors who I keep repeating the same symptoms to. It makes me doubt myself and question whether I should listen to my body. 

But I'm still holding on tight during this nightmare roller coaster. 

2016 oddly enough gives me hope. It's a fresh start, a time to take the lessons learned from the past year and move forward. I've made it through 2015 and maybe like a caterpillar I might be coming out of my chrysalis to spread my new beautiful wings. Because magical transformations can happen like that. 

Happy New Year Everyone! I hope that you find a way to hold your own in great big storms as well. 

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