Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Jacob's Song of the Day (4/20/2016): "Invincible" by Hedley

So.... last night I went to see one of my favourite bands, Hedley, who I've now seen a total of 3 times, although it really does seem like I've seen them more. Listening to one of their older songs, "Invincible", really jumped out at me and I looked over at my mom and said "that's tomorrow's blog post". So have a listen and read why I chose Invincible as my song of the day:

I had a hard time picking only one part of the lyrics to share with you, the whole song is pretty meaningful to my life, but this is what I ended up choosing:

"This time / I'm a little run down / I've been living out loud / I can beat it, beat it / That's right / 'cause I'm feeling, feeling / Invincible"

The last several months have been among the most difficult of my life. Yes, what I'm going through now feels even worse than at the time that I had my colon taken out because of the severity of damage from Crohn's Disease. My body is simply falling apart, or at least it really feels like that most of the time, and the doctor's are kind of at loose ends grasping for straws that could help me get back on my feet, back being a kid again, and back into the game of life. I'm learning patience during this straw grasping game. What other choice is there? I wait for tests, for more surgeries, for more specialists to get involved, to get answers that MIGHT help. I've learned to hold no expectations, which to some might sound like a very negative thing, as though I'm giving up hope. But rest assured, this has nothing to do with hope. I still cling to that like a lost soul in the Gobi desert. What I mean about holding expectations is that I have no expectations that tomorrow will be better, or that my doctors will come up with the miracle, that researchers will find a cure for my disease. If you hold expectations like that with a chronic illness, you get disappointed real quick. Especially when you have such a severe form of the disease, that there are very few treatment options left. Instead, when something goes right, it's now become a pleasant surprise.

Last night was physically the second-most physically exhausting concert I've attended, right after the Train concert where I was rushed to the hospital before Train even took the stage with a major heart event. Despite having eye pain from suspected uveitis (waiting on the opthamologist appointment), extremely painful joints, my GTube allergy that I'm fighting, a painful hernia in my stomach, and vomiting over 40 times, I managed to stay for the whole concert, even if I wasn't able to get up on feet and dance my heart out.

That just shows people just how invincible this kid is. 

Oh, and how did I like the concert? The music was great but I didn't really get to see much of the performance even if I was only 6 rows back in the stands. Instead, I learned that when I'm sitting at a concert (and I have no choice but to sit right now) that I'm the perfect height for the people in front of me to stick their butts in my face. That's the view I had for all of Hedley's performance. Hopefully the next time around, I might actually be able to see the concert. Or even better, I might be able to actually be on my feet dancing.

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